Be With You : A 5 Year Tribute!!

You ever wake up and realise that someone you've known all your life is no more? Not being able to accept they are gone forever? Put as many facades that show you are ok, thinking if speaking things into existence can work why won't facades? Well I know that feeling firsthand and five years later it still feels like a fresh wound! I know I can't do anything about it but a part of me still wishes it is a nightmare I will wake from someday. I have tried to believe that 'time will heal my wound and leave a scar' but I have come to terms that I will just learn to live without you. Numbing the pain and the emotions whether tears or smiles have become a coping mechanism and of course facades that exhibit happiness but will I ever be fully happy even with the depression and anxiety? I never really speak about it because people never understand but can I just be alone and find happiness to claim? can I distract myself from the pain by chasing my dreams and living my life? Or will my ego and bottling it up kill me?  To be honest, all I know is I am ok but i am not ok! 

'Your foolish pride can become your suicide'; the love I have for me is the reason i haven't self destructed! And if my pride does lead me to fall into a chasm of life's darkness, if I can still view the light above me, does it matter? I guess these are questions I will never know the answers to but I still ponder, I lost the biggest believer in me but I will never stop dreaming and making it a reality because now I'm doing it for both us. I will be inspired by many but you will forever be an irreplaceable role model and I will be the best version of you; the version you would become if you were still here I miss you everyday, I loved then, I love you now and I will love you always. Farida, continue to rest in perfect peace my sister!❤️💔

Watch #BeWithYou tribute video here!
Donate here..

Choosing Happy..

Some people tend to believe that depression is a choice and that your mental health isn’t an important factor in achieving happiness.

That mentality kills our society; it is okay to have moods but is depression the same as joy or even sadness?

'Just snap out of it, and pray on it' because apparently we are choosing not to have 100% sanity, let's be honest is anybody fully sane?

‘Why are you choosing to be depressed? You have everything so you have no reason to be’. I didn't realize happiness was engrossed with having things. If there was a switch I'm sure the world would be depression free.

'Time heals all wounds' I was told when you lose someone you will be fine but funny enough I'm still depressed; so what happened to being fine? I guess I'm too impatient to wait on time to perform its magic.

Four and a half years later and facades have become the norm. We know everybody's going to die but does that make it hurt any less? 

'You choose to be depressed, you could have stopped it from happening', but does depression give you notice before it shows up? Did I miss the signs? Did I not foresee the trigger? Or maybe I am living the dream or a painfully orchestrated nightmare!

But in all fairness, if you have never been through the pain of death or experienced depression or any form of mental health issue I should not expect you to comprehend any of it.

Just because you don't, doesn't mean you should make it seem like it is my fault that I am this way.

Ignorance is bliss, especially with when it comes to mental health.

Remember that if you suffer, there's nothing wrong with you, striving to be perfect is redundant because humans are flawed.

Anxiety, depression or whatever is 'wrong' with you, never forget your happiness is essential!

If you think no one cares, remember, I do!

Find serenity in solitude and in congregation.

But I have one question, does it ever disappear, do I numb it or is it going to be an adamant aspect of who I am or best yet who I become?

23 things I learnt from being 23

I'm trying to makes this a yearly thing with hopes I can keep it up...

1. You are your happiness
2. Self doubt and comparison will be your downfall 
3. Take risks
4. Impossible is not real
5. Do what you love as often as you can
6. Timing is everything
7. It's ok to be different 
8. Don't let anyone kill your dreams
9. Create your opportunities, if there aren't any!
10. Believe in your ideas
11. It's ok to be unhappy 
12. Don't give negativity power over you
13. Don't dwell on things you can't change
14. Anticipate the future whether good or bad
15. Embrace & learn from the present
16. Cherish moments and memories
17. What you see in people is a reflection of you
18. Never Limit yourself
19. Never stop dreaming
20. Change is ok
21. Self love & reliance will increase your happiness 
22. Negativity will always overshadow positivity. So focus on the positive!
23. Never give up on your goals

Put You First!!

At the turn of the year as with previous years, it is expected that we will hear about New Year’s resolutions and people changing to improve themselves and so on.

From a non-judgmental standpoint, this year I believe self-focus and self-love should be the theme for everyone. Take a step back and enjoy life. It is acceptable to be selfish once in a while. You alone are responsible for your happiness. Life may throw us curveballs but it is up to us to ensure that we are comfortable and don’t just accept disappointments. 

We ALWAYS have a choice in life and often, we find ourselves prioritizing money (job) over things which genuinely bring us happiness. Sometimes, we even prioritize these things over our own health.

Goals and aspirations come into play as well regarding personal happiness as sometimes our goals overlap between happiness/money so it causes an internal battle.

The first priority should always be your health. Take care of your body and mind. Good diets, rest and exercise.

Secondly, spend time with your loved ones and friends.
Thirdly, I would suggest to everyone that they should partake in heartwarming activities which bring happiness. Travel more, go on trips with loved ones and take part in loving activities.

Sometimes external things need to take the back seat in order to please yourself. Selfishness is sometimes worth it. 

At the end of this all, I think that we should ensure that we know what makes us happy to allow us to have prosperous and joyful 2017.

30 things that make me happy..

I was bored so I decided to write this and my boredom disappeared lol. Try it maybe it will work!

Food

Music

Perfumes

Fashion

Technology (yes I'm a geek lol)

Sleep

Hoodies

Shoes (especially sneakers)

Writing

Art

Oceans. Seas

Nature

Autumn. Winter

Sweaters

Being alone

Travelling 

Achievements 

Seeing others happy

TV Shows

Photography

Tea

Shopping

YouTube 

Water 

Health. Fitness 

Social media (sometimes)

Soccer. Basketball 

Learning 

Trying new things

Books 

Remember to always do whatever makes you happy!

What makes you happy?

Self Love!!

What is self-love?

I believe self-love is completely accepting who you are irrespective of your flaws and your imperfections. Not to venture too deeply and come across as narcissistic, but self-love is the most deserving of all loves. For some, loving who they are is difficult especially with cyber bullies and societal stereotypes but I feel like it's important to ignore all that and accept who you are. After all, your happiness is most important!

I learnt self-love at a young age and on this post I'm going to try to share with you a few of the ways which helped me.

Nura: A Warrior, A Soldier, A Fighter!

My body is numb; I remember feeling this way 4 years ago. I didn't know how to feel or react then and I still don't till this point. I keep replaying some of my most memorable moments with you and our last few conversations just wishing we could share them again.

My heart is already in pieces, but I feel like the pieces got smaller. You found a way to touch people directly or indirectly, luckily I was privileged to know you. You made everyone feel better and never complained. You lived up to your name and lit up people's lives everywhere you went. You believed in me even when I felt like giving up and assured me all would be fine. I could write paragraphs and master all the positive words in the dictionary but it still wouldn't do justice to all the things I have to say about you and the impact you have had on my life and countless others around. Thank you for not only being a part of my life but for letting me be a part of yours as well. Your suffering is over and you are in a better place In sha Allah. I shall cherish those moments we shared, conversations & memories I was privileged to experience with you forever. We shall meet again in heaven In sha Allah. Your legacy will live on In sha Allah. 

Allah ya maka Rahma Nura and grant you jannah, Ameen! (11th June, 2016)

"To Live In The Hearts We Leave Behind Is Not To Die."

Thomas Campbell

"Grief is a process, not a state."

Anne Grant

"It takes time to accept it when you lose someone, when you finally do you have to find the best way for you to deal with it; as time doesn't help you after acceptance!"

YSK

"A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles."

Christopher Reeve

Pain

What is pain? This question has a different meaning depending on what a person is going through at a particular period in their life. I am not going to waste your time defining all the types of pain because that is what dictionaries are meant for and painful experiences. 

My type of pain was triggered by losing someone I cared about deeply. I honestly never thought I would experience heartbreak without being in love or in a relationship but I guess mine might have even been worse than those as it was caused by death. My heart shattered in pieces, still trying to mend it but I doubt that is possible I might just have to deal with it or learn to be numb to it. Loss taught me how to turn my emotions off to the point that I can seem emotionally dead or even heartless. Putting on facades and looking like the happiest person in the room when really I'm probably the most broken of all is damn exhausting, trust me. I have been mildly depressed for four years but I'm not here to elaborate on that. The pain still feels like a fresh wound.

I have understood that it is no longer a nightmare, but that it is a reality even though I'm yet to accept that. I have been told that it is not healthy to live with pain but how do I get rid of it? If the pain fades away, will you go with it? I think I will numb the pain for as long as I can, keep up with that hole that will probably never be filled and the alone feeling in the midst of humans! I ask myself if this day will forever be the worst day of my life; or will it go back to being a regular day like it used to be? Hopefully my happiness does not get conquered by the pain, and maybe someday the pain will make me stronger!

Rest In Peace Farida (3rd June, 2012)

"But pain's like water. It finds a way to push through any seal. There's no way to stop it. Sometimes you have to let yourself sink inside of it before you can learn how to swim to the surface."

"If you can sit with your pain, listen to your pain and respect your pain — in time you will move through your pain."

"Time doesn't heal anything. It just teaches you how to live with the pain."

“Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.”

 Vicki Harrison

22 things I learnt from being 22

I can't believe I'm about to turn 23, it feels like just yesterday I was writing a post about turning 22. Well I guess time really does fly.. Enjoy xx

1. Dream bigger
2. Make happiness a priority
3. Ambition is everything
4. Have a passion
5. You can achieve everything through perseverance and hardwork
6. Don't ever give up on what you believe 
7. Comparison will kill you
8. Count your blessings
9. Have fun
10. Break the rules
11. Perfection is a myth
12. Exhale doubt
13. Be brave 
14. Start somewhere, everything is possible
15. Make yourself proud
16. Your weirdness is wonderful
17. Positive vibes only
18. Be fearless or atleast try to be
19. Channel happiness 
20. Don't let them kill your dreams
21. Love Yourself first
22. Be a #GirlBoss

Fear

What is fear? I'm not about to open a dictionary and give you the standard meaning of the word; like most words we tend to create our own definition that best suits our situation. To me, fear is something that can prevent you from achieving your full potential. My greatest fear is failure but over year I have accepted that failure is a part of life & success, this acceptance has allowed me to take more risks. Here's a few ways to overcome your fear:

Don't Doubt Yourself

Doubting yourself is the worse thing a person can do to himself. We normally doubt ourselves because we are afraid to fail but ask yourself 'how can I achieve my goals if I don't believe in myself?' Whatever your fear is, if you can believe you can do it even if it's just mentally then trust me you can do it. 'Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you can't be successful or happy.'

Be your own idol

People live life looking up to others and wanting to be just like to their role model.. To me that seems like a waste of a life. I'm not saying people shouldn't look up to others we always need people in our lives that will inspire us to chase our dreams but my question is "Do you want to be like them? or Do you want to be your own person?"

I'm someone who gets inspired by not just people, but by everything around me. To be your own idol you have to become the person you admire, the person you want to be and the person you can look up to or a role model and also be self-reliant.

I'm not here to tell you how to be your own idol because everyone is different. Some wait for a disappointment, some sort of pain or other triggers that differ from individual, I guess it's never too late. It's a new year, as much as I don't believe in resolutions I would say maybe make a resolution to be who you want to look upto! 

"A life wasted on admiring others and wanting to become them is a life you will regret, so be your own idol, make your own rules, and live life to the fullest!"

2016!!

2015 was a great year, cherish the memories and make use of the lessons learnt.. it's time to leave the past as the past and focus on the present and future. So, here's to a new start, time to keep chasing those dreams that didn't become a reality and to new dreams which will hopefully become a reality.

Remember that everything is possible!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Who are you?

It's a common theme for people to wonder "who they really are?" & "How do they find  themselves?" I think the real question is "Do we ever find our complete self or do we just figure it out bit by bit and go with the flow?" I honestly can't say I have found the complete me but here are a few ways you could try to figure out who you are which are helping me:

• Figure out what you want to do, your goals, I mean. You could write them down and put them up on your wall and chase those dreams and never give up on them.
• Move on from the past, it's now a memory and hopefully a lesson which will guide you positively in future.
• Learn to ignore people's opinions, like I always tell myself it's your life do what you want, live the life you dream of, your happiness matters more than anything.
• Learn to rely on yourself rather than on others to avoid being let down.
• Know your self-worth.
• Give yourself as many chances as you need, no one is above mistakes.
• Know the people around you and figure out who's worth your time.
• Organise your life.
• Find your passion and make it a reality. Whatever your passion is, no matter what people think of it doesn't matter.
• Love yourself enough, if you do you wouldn't need the acknowledgment of another person.
• Be as realistic and optimistic as you can be.
• Remember that not everything is going the run smoothly, you might have bumps along the way and thats normal.
• Be Patient
• Do you!!

"When you look in the mirror and see who you want to be or like who you have become, then you have found yourself; all that's left now is the better you!!"

#4: TV shows

A few more shows of you.. Enjoy x

Lie to me
Power
Madame Secretary
Mistresses
Friends
The Mindy Project
Blacklist
How I met your mother

CSI:New York
Two and A Half Men
Breaking Bad
Pretty Little Liars
CSI: Cyber

"Some say watching shows is a waste of time, I think they just haven't found the right one."

What shows have you been watching??

Graduation!!

I have graduated from university after 3 years of stress and studying, so as expected I'm ecstatic about it. All the stress is finally worth it I guess. Uni was one of those places I met people from different parts of the world and made a few friends. I hated the idea of having to take on 'responsibilities' of waking up and going to class and all that uni hassle (i.e. becoming an adult) but I have to say once I got used to it, it turned out to be worthwhile.

The best part of it is getting to celebrate it with family; who have supported me for ages, friends and classmates who made the experience worthwhile. I might never see a lot of my classmates ever again but the memories and photos will forever be cherished.

Three long years later I made it and I can finally say I'm officially an Engineer!!

"You graduate from university and it hits you that you are now a full adult, you probably have to get a job or do something with your life/degree and suddenly you get scared of what the future holds from just random thoughts but not to worry if you are a dreamer and are willing to chase those dreams you will be fine!!"

3 years later: It's still as painful!

3 years ago I lost a part of me, 3 years later it still feels as fresh!!
Most people tell me you will move on and be fine but moving on doesn't seem to be an option because it hasn't happened yet and I doubt it will ever... Time has taught me how to live with the pain and maybe that's why I'm able to function or maybe I'm still putting on a facade but whatever the case I miss you and will forever love you!!

Rest in peace sister!! Allah ya maki rahama!!
03-06-12 </3:( 

"Whoever said that loss gets easier with time was a liar. Here's what really happens: The spaces between the times you miss them grow longer. Then, when you do remember to miss them again, it's still with a stabbing pain to the heart."

Self Acceptance!!

Hello, it's been a long time since I posted on here, I have been so busy with school but I'm back (hopefully). Recently, I was having a conversation with a friend about the topic of self-acceptance and I realised that in 2015 there are people that still have an issue with accepting themselves for who they are and that saddening.

What is self-acceptance?? 

To me, self-acceptance is not just about loving yourself, it means accepting your flaws and being contented with who you are. I personally don't believe in peer pressure; maybe it because I have never been a victim it just has to do with intention (I guess). Every human deserves the right to be happy and doing something because it's an ongoing trend is not going to lead to happiness. In life, it's sometimes ok to be selfish when it comes to loving yourself and putting yourself first. It is a waste of time to want to be someone else. Loving yourself keeps you sane and happy.

Going on social media and talking to different individuals, it came to my attention that for some people, it is easier to try and jump on a bandwagon rather than set out to distinguish yourself from the crowd, which kind of breaks my heart. It's hard for me to tell how they feel because I never had to struggle with self-acceptance. I can't speak for everyone, but with the knowledge I have acquired over the years, I can try to help you learn how to accept yourself for who you are and be happy.

#3: TV Shows

Yes, this is another post on tv shows... Ok there's a slight chance I watch too many shows.. LOL

The Game

Chicago Fire

Chicago PD

Baby Daddy

Law & Order: SVU

NCIS

New Girl

The Mentalist

Melissa & Joey

The Blacklist


"We aren't in an information age, we are in an entertainment age."

What shows have you been watching??

Twenty-Two!!!

So I turned 22 on the 11th, it seems just like yesterday that  I was 18.. Time does fly!! Like every other year I did nothing.. lol I just ate a birthday cake and watched tv. Ironically I feel younger at 22 than I did 21 after all it is just a number (well most of the time)..

Happy birthday to me!! 

"You can't help getting older but you don't have to get old!"

#2: TV Shows

Hello, here are more shows for y'all to enjoy.. hope you like them!!

Suits

Bad Judge
Friends

Modern Family

White Collar

Elementary

Criminal Minds

Orange Is The New Black

Anger Management

Major Crimes

Being Mary Jane

"Hobbies come in many forms, tv shows are a great choice!!"

What shows have you been watching??